Advert Ninjas

I'm not a big fan of the Shrek movies; I love the effect though Shrek's street face/street advertising has on me. Two years ago (the 2nd movie was just out), the format filling green thing grin reliably made me grin back whenever I cycled past. When ever would I return the smile of a smiling woman, selling instant coffee to me via a billboard? We're a bunch of advert ninjas. Years of training have enabled us to (not make ourselves invisible but to) treat the smilie woman pattern as invisible.

I am a big fan of some other characters: the 3 teddys/beings/beasts. Fully designed against all good taste, they are so well done and just nuts enough to be my street entertainment.

"What do you want to watch?" Can I vote? I want more ani characters in public space!

England

That's Jesus, Food, Sex, Entertainment, Gordon Ramsay, J Lo, Channel 4, Christmas in one billboard! Only thing missing here is the sparkling pre-christmas decoration doubledecker bus rushing by.

(Jamie lives on another C4 billboard but isn't allowed to strip. Yet.)

Do it.

Here's an asian teenage beauty lighting a cigarette on a public bus. So what? If I was a ten year old girl: I'd find her way cool. If I was a thirteen year old girl: I'd start to smoke cause she's so way cool. If I was an ugly thirteen year old girl: I'd start to smoke. And cry. Cause she's so way cool. And beautiful.

Busknobs...

I want to be a sexist!

God, this image is evil. God, this image is BORING! Even criticising it is boring. What's the point? We've been there, throwing Farbbomben at such crap with 14, giving up on it with 18 (after all, colours and air balloons are expensive, and everybody agrees adverts are shit anyway). Still. This motive is plastered all over London, and whenever I cycle past it, my brain hurts. So: I want to have some fun now, I want to be a sexist now, hand me the coke that keeps me going! Saying sexist, thinking breasts. What are the breasts of men, then, how shall I replace the cups? About men - I like good hair. Good taste in shoes, that's hard to find, too. Heads and toes, and you can pretty much forget everything else inbetween. Please bear with me now while we hold a minute of silence.

Ok, we're back, and I think I got it all wrong! Men, you've got a point - women are much nicer to look at, and nobody would wish for partly dressed men distributed widely in public. It's not the breasts that have to disappear from the posters - it's the products!

Think about it - when would you ever drink a cup of Nescafe? I can think of only one possible scenario. You're camping, with your Young Love partner, of course. Everything is dirty smelly, and the tent is tiny, so sex has been really bad recently. You didn't get enough sleep as a bunch of nazis were driving their four wheel tank around your tent, partying to some straight edge hardcore sound all night. You've been woken up by the sound of rain - actual buckets of water, travelling straight from heaven to hell, with your tent marking the way. Now that's when Nescafe kicks in. How can you prove you can take it? You could drink a cup of Nescafe. You're tougher than this.

NB. My 13.5 good male friends, please feel excluded from my sexism. a.